I’m going to level with you. I don’t want to talk. I just want to get dressed, down and dirty on this same bed. Don’t talk, don’t make a sound. Just take me like and make me yours like a big caveman. Are you man enough for it?

There are more than one way to make the most of your old trusty sofa. Take me, for example. I like to pretend to ride its arm to tease my boyfriend when he’s paying more attention to the TV than me. It usually takes him out of his slumber and makes him want to ride me instead.

I’ll pretend you’re a football-obsessed husband and I’m the horny neglected wife. Maybe I’ll just throw away all your junk food and offer you a different kind of appetizer to take you away from the TV screen. Maybe it’s not the Friday Night game, but I’m sure you would rather score yourself.

Oh, my! The ship sunk and I ended up in this deserted beach. My body is all wet and cold, and I can hear the drums of the natives in the distance, in what seems to be a dark ritual. I wonder if they’ll sacrifice me to their gods? Or maybe I’ll end up being a slave to their primal desires.